In a perfect world, most shows would be filled with girls and queers. We’d be in all the bands, putting on all the shows and filling up basements, bars and feminist bookstores all over the damn place. Clearly this isn’t always the case, and playing music is still incredibly straight male-dominated. I have been thinking about this a lot in the context of being a queer feminist girl in a band with 2 other queers, and being asked to play mostly “straight” shows since our inception. This is something I originally felt like I had a problem with, but I’m starting to change my opinion.
I just want to play, and that’s part of where this all came from. I kind of want to play wherever, as long as I didn’t have a political problem with one of the bands or the venue. I’ve had a bit of a nagging feeling about the lack of queer bands I’m playing shows with, like, “Should we try to make more of an effort to only play with other queer bands?” I brought this up with one of my bandmates, who is a fag guitarist that has been playing in a lot of bands for a long time. He said something to the effect of “We need to be playing the straight shows, we need to be visible in those spaces, otherwise they’re pushing us aside.”
I’m clinging to that. I feel more comfortable in girl/queer spaces, but I really feel like it’s so fucking important as a girl and as a queer to be visible in all aspects of the punk scene. That said, it’s hard to let go of the way it feels to be playing your instrument and singing and be surrounded by a bunch of men. It’s a vulnerable space to be in, and men take up a lot of space and make women feel vulnerable all the time. I’d clearly prioritize playing with other queer/girl bands, but I don’t want to deny playing Bro Fest 2010 or whatever because I want us to be visible there, too.
I’m writing this because I am curious to find out how other girls/queer people in bands feel about this. I know that I have avoided seeing friends’ bands because they were playing total dudefests – but, I don’t want to do that anymore. I want the girls and the queers to show up at the shows and mark our fucking territories. Because this is ours.
What’s your experience?
Hey Nikki, I understand that sentiment-and to some extent agree, but I also am not sure if just being visible in those spaces is enough if there are bad things happening-does that make sense? Like, just because so and so dude bro is cool with queer people in bands playing but still makes rude comments to women and/or takes up space/ or whatever other bullshit without being called on it does that change anything? I’m only asking because I’m not sure what I think either. How would we create a scene we want to be in?
i agree with a lot of this post.
here are my experiences with being a queer girl in a queer band.
i always wanted to play music. and playing music with queers and playing music TO queers was always my dream. nothing feels better than to play music to a queer audience. it is my favorite thing in the world.
but, that is more complicated than it sounds. number one, there aren’t very many queer bands around so you are already limiting yourself in a way if you try to play mostly queer shows.
secondly, the queer music scene is problematic for me. some people seem more interested in being part of a scene, and it ends up feeling competitive and cliquey. i know that this business is mostly rejection, but i’ve been rejected and outright ignored by other queer musicians WAY more often than i have with dude bands.
another problem is that the same famous-ish queer people keep making bands and then only playing shows with their famous queer friends. its exclusive and kinda of heart-breaking when you always imagined that everyone would support each other in a community as small as ours. sometimes, when i think of that, i find it is hard to stay positive.
but, something awesome and unexpected happened when i started playing shows out to straight people. they were supportive. when they liked my music, they would come up to me and say so. they would compliment me on my playing and ask me questions. i hardly ever get that at a queer show. but why the hell not? it is frustrating. i wish we were more encouraging and supportive of each other across the board.
as scared as i was about putting myself out there to the dude and straight world, i’ve gotten more positive feedback than bad. and, the occasional jackass comment will happen, but it won’t keep me from being gay as fucking hell and putting myself out there.
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i feel like labelling shows “straight shows” only worsens the atmosphere. does that mean all shows that aren’t queer shows are automatically straight show? it makes me think of throwdown hardcore, a type of music that as pretentious as it sounds isn’t worth our time to begin with. those bands hardly ever play diverse shows, but most acts of worthy genres of music are happy to have their voices heard and are glad to hear the voices of others as well. if there is a show with a lineup consisting of primarily straight people, i don’t think that means those people are trying to oppress other voices; they might just be more visible because there aren’t as many openly queer people, let alone as many openly queer people who have the courage to amplify their ideas through live musical performance. if someone is not ok with queer and/or girl bands, they’re not worth anyone’s time, but for everyone in a crowd that resists non-oppressive thinking, it would be worth it to reach out to the one person whose life you could change.
playing queer shows is a great thing to do, but it might also be a preaching to the choir scenario if it’s done exclusively. the message has already been spread to the participators. at a show for some other cause or no purpose other than to share music, there might be people in the audience who hear your message and find themselves through your music.
in response to sheana, i think that that misogynistic dude would eventually have to reconsider his use of language if there were more people in their scene that stood up and told him that his language is offensive and wrong. he might be willing to correct his language and thinking habits if the environment around him is noticeably against such misogyny.
I completely feel a lot of what you’re bringing up/saying here. It’s interesting because as a female musician, you’re already in a very male-dominated space where when you’re performing your musicianship is more deeply analyzed/criticized, as well as how you look/present yourself/how skinny/stylish/attractive you are, etc. Then you add queerness on top of it and it creates an even more uncomfortable atmosphere I am a frontwoman for a queer electro-funk band in the Bay Area and I definitely experience a lot of discomfort when performing for mostly straight audiences. First of all, as soon as I get off stage, I get hit on by at least one guy (it’s like – were you listening to the lyrics, I’m gay!!!), second of all, I feel like a lot of them just don’t get it, especially if I’m presenting more as a dyke (wearing more men’s dress-up clothes).
I never feel as comfortable/happy as when playing in front of a queer girl audience.
However, this being said, my band is actually me and three lovely guys who are super respectful and have actually conceded to me pretty much being the band leader. It’s actually been really wonderful working with them and learning that you actually can have a respectful, super creative atmosphere and great musical chemistry with men – they just have to be the right ones. But I totally hear you…
I like to play as many shows with other queer bands as possible or other female bands. I also don’t turn down opportunities to play more straight scene shows either. I like a balance
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To answer Geoff’s question (“does that mean all shows that aren’t queer shows are automatically straight show?”) – yes, that is what it means. Anything that is not specifically labeled “queer” is automatically perceived to be straight. Unfortunately, that’s the way our society works. Just like a band not labelled a “female band” is automatically perceived to be a band with men in it and a person not labelled as “insert non-white identity here” is perceived to be white. There’s an assumed neutral identity in our society which is white, male, heterosexual unless stated otherwise, which sucks…
Anyway, keep up the good thinking/good work! If you’re interested in my band, you can find us here: http://www.elleninomusic.com. We play live electro-funk – it’s very queer!